Blog Archives
Suicide, damn dpression, and statistics
So as the title of the post would suggest, my mood has not picked up as yet and I am sitting in a pit of despair, otherwise known as by bedroom. I have barely left it in weeks and have been spending my days doing my newly acquired hobby: marathon sleeping. I seem to find it difficult to wake up and have been sleeping into the late afternoon and sometimes into the evening, only surfacing to go outside for a cigarette or if my boyfriend provides me with something to eat, he’s nice like that. I feel totally pathetic to tell the truth, I feel like I’m just being lazy but I genuinely cannot seem to wake up, I’m not sure what’s going on but I think that it might be to do with the sodium valproate. When I spoke to the psychiatrist, he said that it may be reacting with the quietiapine I am already taking and making me sleepy so he reduced the quietapine dose but this has had no effect. Honestly, I am on the verge of stopping taking it, it has got that bad. Read the rest of this entry
My depression: magically gone
Ok so the holidays are over. I successfully managed to avoid most of it: I did make Christmas dinner and bought a few presents but that’s about it. I don’t see why I should have to participate as I am an atheist and really hate how everything revolves around spending lots of money when I don’t exactly have vast quantities of the stuff and hearing of spoilt little teenagers complaining that their parents bought them the wrong color iphone. Why should I have to put up with this crap when I am in the depths of a depressive episode and the prospect of being admitted to hospital is never far from my thoughts.
Ok enough moaning… Read the rest of this entry
Ode to a nightingale
My heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains
My sense, as though of hemlock I had drunk,
Or emptied some dull opiate to the drains
One minute past, and Lethe-wards had sunk:
‘Tis not through envy of thy happy lot,
But being too happy in thine happiness, –
That thou, light-winged Dryad of the trees,
In some melodious plot
Of beechen green and shadows numberless,
Singest of summer in full-throated ease. Read the rest of this entry
Hallucinations and suicidal thoughts
I am still not feeling good at all. It honestly feels right now like I’m lost out at sea, floating through the days just trying to stay alive.
I am plagued by thoughts of ending my life; these thoughts are strange and feel like they are coming from somewhere that isn’t me. I realize that they are from me but they feel alien: mostly because I can’t seem to control them. Its kind of like having a constant radio going on in your head but you can’t change the station, volume or turn it down. So I’m stuck with these thoughts of suicide in my head, going round and although I try to fight them, it takes up all of my mental effort and I can do little else. Read the rest of this entry
Living a mixed affective episode and sodium valproate
So over the past month or so I have been in the throws of a mixed affective episode which has been extremely unpleasant. I have been violently swinging from the depths of depression to something not far off mania and I have been trying really hard to get on with life. Read the rest of this entry
New mental health art blog
Hi there everyone.
Since I do so much art, too much to fit on my mental health art page here, I have started a separate photoblog for all my mental health artwork and photography. It will take a little while to upload all of my artwork so please be patient with me but please come on over and see what you think. The blog is called HerSelf Image. I hope you like it.
Lots of Love
!zzi
Reality of mental illness #3 MEDICATION
One of the main problems that people with mental illness face is taking medication. I take the following every day… Read the rest of this entry
Reason for my mixed episode
I have been feeling like total crap. Spent the weekend manically running round London doing this and that but not much really, although I did make it to the Mindful exhibition which was good. Also spent Saturday afternoon with Mark47 which was fun. I then headed over to the suburbs to see TGW and go to a film night.
Saw the shrink and the social worker this morning and my lithium levels are still low which is probably the explanation for why I have been feeling so very unwell and my mood has been on super-cycle every couple of days. Have been both high as a kite with mania and suicidal with depression. I have been hearing voices which say different things depending on what mood I’m in, it’s really quite bizarre. So my lithium has been increased and with any luck that will help my mood. Also I will soon be starting on sodium valproate but they wont let me do that until I get a few medical things done, so hopefully I’ll start when I see the shrink again next week.
New series- The Reality of Mental illness
Someone said to me the other day that having Bipolar disorder was seen as “cool” and “fashionable” so in response I have decided to write a new series of articles detailing the day to day reality of having a mental illness to show how different the reality of living with a mental illness is so different from the image portrayed by the media and certain celebrities that I shall not name.
I aim to cover quite a few topics but so far on my list I have… Read the rest of this entry
Influenzal Mood Disorder
I have been rather sick. I have an apparently severe case of flu and pneumonia, which has left me knocked for six and not doing very much at all, except for sleeping excessively and watching lots of the American Apprentice. Donald Trump is an interesting character. Much less grumpy than Alan Sugar but he does seem incredibly grandiose to me and dismissive of the people he meets but what do you expect from such a wealthy and famous person I suppose. Read the rest of this entry
