Category Archives: work stress
Suicide, damn dpression, and statistics
So as the title of the post would suggest, my mood has not picked up as yet and I am sitting in a pit of despair, otherwise known as by bedroom. I have barely left it in weeks and have been spending my days doing my newly acquired hobby: marathon sleeping. I seem to find it difficult to wake up and have been sleeping into the late afternoon and sometimes into the evening, only surfacing to go outside for a cigarette or if my boyfriend provides me with something to eat, he’s nice like that. I feel totally pathetic to tell the truth, I feel like I’m just being lazy but I genuinely cannot seem to wake up, I’m not sure what’s going on but I think that it might be to do with the sodium valproate. When I spoke to the psychiatrist, he said that it may be reacting with the quietiapine I am already taking and making me sleepy so he reduced the quietapine dose but this has had no effect. Honestly, I am on the verge of stopping taking it, it has got that bad. Read the rest of this entry
OK mood, seriously WTF
After about 5 days of what you could call happiness I have slipped back into a pit of depression again. I always know things are getting serious when I start looking up the lethal doses of various medications, a bad habit that I would advise against. I just feel like crap again and have been having trouble concentrating on anything, even watching TV is not easy as everything just feels like a chore. Read the rest of this entry
Living a mixed affective episode and sodium valproate
So over the past month or so I have been in the throws of a mixed affective episode which has been extremely unpleasant. I have been violently swinging from the depths of depression to something not far off mania and I have been trying really hard to get on with life. Read the rest of this entry
New series- The Reality of Mental illness
Someone said to me the other day that having Bipolar disorder was seen as “cool” and “fashionable” so in response I have decided to write a new series of articles detailing the day to day reality of having a mental illness to show how different the reality of living with a mental illness is so different from the image portrayed by the media and certain celebrities that I shall not name.
I aim to cover quite a few topics but so far on my list I have… Read the rest of this entry
I don’t want to juggle glass anymore
I refer you back to what I named this blog, “How to Juggle Glass”. I called it that because that’s what my life feels like: juggling balls made of glass and if (and when) you drop them they all smash on the floor and make a terrible mess that is impossible to put back together.
I feel like I’m standing barefoot surrounded by shattered glass, just staring down at the floor at all the pieces in total confusion of what to do now. I can’t walk away as I’ll shred the bottoms of my feet and I can’t pick it up as I’ll cut my fingers… Read the rest of this entry
Influenzal Mood Disorder
I have been rather sick. I have an apparently severe case of flu and pneumonia, which has left me knocked for six and not doing very much at all, except for sleeping excessively and watching lots of the American Apprentice. Donald Trump is an interesting character. Much less grumpy than Alan Sugar but he does seem incredibly grandiose to me and dismissive of the people he meets but what do you expect from such a wealthy and famous person I suppose. Read the rest of this entry
Writing a PhD when you’re crazy
So I have been trying hard to begin writing up my PhD thesis. This would be challenging anyway except for the fact that my mood is swinging on what appears to be a 2 day cycle. I have seen the psychiatrist and he has doubled one of my medications which is not advisable but I did tell him that I needed my mood to stop swinging quickly so that I can get back to my enormous workload. Physically this has left me feeling like I’ve been hit by a bus; all my muscles ache and my mind feels like someone has put my brain in a blender. Also I have developed a chest infection (I don’t know if this is related or not) and have a fever to go with it so I am feeling physically and mentally wiped. Read the rest of this entry
For my friend JT
I know you are feeling under the weather I hope you get better soon. I remember you liked this picture so this is for you.
Working with mania and valium
Apologies for not updating in ages. Things were going quite well for me and I have been stable, at least until last week. I am having an episode of mania and it has really stopped me functioning. Large amounts of valium have made my behaviour “socially acceptable” but is really taking its toll on my mental capacity and I feel really wiped out. I came back to Uni today but feel very frayed around the edges and I’m not sure if I’m going to make it through to the end of the day. I really don’t want to be here right now but I feel like I can’t take any more time off as I have so much work to do.
I feel a mix of euphoria and fear. This is ruining my life and as hard as I try I’m not getting anything useful done. I’m going to try and do some simple work and hopefully that will make me feel better.
