Category Archives: Uncategorized
Too much thesis writing
I’ve been writing way too much, writing a PhD is hard! so I thought I’d show you a sign my boyfriend found in the shop today.
Suicide, damn dpression, and statistics
So as the title of the post would suggest, my mood has not picked up as yet and I am sitting in a pit of despair, otherwise known as by bedroom. I have barely left it in weeks and have been spending my days doing my newly acquired hobby: marathon sleeping. I seem to find it difficult to wake up and have been sleeping into the late afternoon and sometimes into the evening, only surfacing to go outside for a cigarette or if my boyfriend provides me with something to eat, he’s nice like that. I feel totally pathetic to tell the truth, I feel like I’m just being lazy but I genuinely cannot seem to wake up, I’m not sure what’s going on but I think that it might be to do with the sodium valproate. When I spoke to the psychiatrist, he said that it may be reacting with the quietiapine I am already taking and making me sleepy so he reduced the quietapine dose but this has had no effect. Honestly, I am on the verge of stopping taking it, it has got that bad. Read the rest of this entry
On suicide and crisis resolution
I haven’t updated the blog for quite a while. This is because I am not very well and have been feeling a complete lack of any kind of creativity and have really wanted to hide from the world.
I don’t have time to be unwell; I have a PhD thesis to write. 100,000 words isn’t going to write itself you know. The strange thing is that even in the depths of a depressive episode as I am right now; I still want to complete my PhD. I promised myself I would finish it, that I would get through it and to be honest, despite all the good things I have in my life, it is my PhD that keeps me alive now. I think that this is because I am so incredibly stubborn and if I drop out now, whether by leaving the research or by leaving this world, I will see myself as an utter failure. It might sound strange to you all but when I promise myself I’m going to do something, I am damn well going to do it. Read the rest of this entry
Feeling the pain: Suicide controls my thoughts
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
Reason for my mixed episode
I have been feeling like total crap. Spent the weekend manically running round London doing this and that but not much really, although I did make it to the Mindful exhibition which was good. Also spent Saturday afternoon with Mark47 which was fun. I then headed over to the suburbs to see TGW and go to a film night.
Saw the shrink and the social worker this morning and my lithium levels are still low which is probably the explanation for why I have been feeling so very unwell and my mood has been on super-cycle every couple of days. Have been both high as a kite with mania and suicidal with depression. I have been hearing voices which say different things depending on what mood I’m in, it’s really quite bizarre. So my lithium has been increased and with any luck that will help my mood. Also I will soon be starting on sodium valproate but they wont let me do that until I get a few medical things done, so hopefully I’ll start when I see the shrink again next week.
Mental health art: The Mindful Exhibition
MINDFUL is an exhibition and arts festival at the Old Vic Tunnels which launched with a gala dinner and auction at Imperial War Museum. The project, initiated & curated by British artist and Mind Ambassador Stuart Semple in collaboration with creative directors of Old Vic to raise money for the new creative therapies fund within Mind, the leading mental health charity in England and Wales.
Mind creative therapies fund: The Mind creative therapies fund was initiated in 2011 by artist Stuart Semple to fund projects enabling those experiencing mental ill health to explore creative forms of expression. This group show of world-class contemporary art will chart the link between mental health and creativity whilst pin-pointing it’s cathartic potential for both viewer and artist alike. Sales will kick-start a fund set to enable those in mental distress throughout England and Wales to participate in arts therapy sessions. The exhibition itself was be open to the public and encouraged people to question their own views on and associations with mental illness while helping to break down the stigma and discrimination so often faced by sufferers. Stuart, who has an ongoing anxiety disorder himself, understands first-hand the transformative potential of the arts. “The whole point of instigating this fund is to enable others access to the therapeutic potential of creative expression, people who may not have the chance, encouragement, or resources to do so otherwise”. Read the rest of this entry
Shananigans at Notting Hill Carnival 2011
As is traditional, I attended the Notting Hill carnival again this year. Also, as is tradition I didn’t organise myself to go until the night before when I texted Mr Tom, who is usually game for such revelry and he replied yes so I was most pleased. Since he borrowed my photos of the event, I am stealing his historical information on the carnival.
The Carnival has been running since 1959, and since then has grown to be one of London’s greatest excuses to let its collective hair down. Initially started in response to racial tensions in the area, it is now a celebration of Caribbean culture in the city and, indeed, of the city’s multi-culturalism in general. I did not steal any of that from a press release. This year, it enjoyed over a million attendants, of whom Mr Tom and I were 2. Read the rest of this entry
Solitude Standing
Solitude stands by the window
She turns her head as I walk in the room
I can see by her eyes she’s been waiting
Standing in the slant of the late afternoon Read the rest of this entry
Exciting news!
I’m very excited!
Some of my artwork will be featured in a new mental helath textbook. I will be able to elaborate on it closer to the publishing deadline but overall I am feeling quite proud of myself right now.
If you haven’t had a peek then go over to the page on the right called mental health art and see what you think. I welcome all feedback.
Ta ta for now
!zzi
