Writing a PhD when you’re crazy
So I have been trying hard to begin writing up my PhD thesis. This would be challenging anyway except for the fact that my mood is swinging on what appears to be a 2 day cycle. I have seen the psychiatrist and he has doubled one of my medications which is not advisable but I did tell him that I needed my mood to stop swinging quickly so that I can get back to my enormous workload. Physically this has left me feeling like I’ve been hit by a bus; all my muscles ache and my mind feels like someone has put my brain in a blender. Also I have developed a chest infection (I don’t know if this is related or not) and have a fever to go with it so I am feeling physically and mentally wiped.
Oh yeah and my mood is still going from the deepest depths of (agitated) depression to not far short of a full manic episode and back again with alarming pace. I’m just struggling to keep my head above water at the moment. My mood appears to have developed a mood disorder or its very own. I really feel like I’m losing control and every night I go to bed fearful of what my mood is going to be like in the morning. I’m totally barmy.
Wiped or not wiped, barmy or not barmy, I have promised to give a chapter of my thesis to my Prof on Monday so I have to just suck it up and get on with it as I really don’t want her to think bad of me (any more than she already does anyway). Writing is proving particularly hard as at the moment I’m trying to write about something which is really hard because all the other studies say that there is no effect on something where as the paper that my Prof published says otherwise so I don’t know what to say in conclusion. Shall I side with my Prof or go with the other studies? I am as yet undecided but I’m trying to “sit on the fence” in my writing until I speak to Prof about it, I think that’s the best bet for now.
Writing a thesis is such a long, drawn out process and I am only as yet in the early stages. I fear for my sanity as the process continues as things are only going to get harder from here. I am taking into account previous comments on this blog and have formulated a detailed plan. Whether I will be able to stick to the plan is another matter as crap always seems to get in the way.
On that note I should stop procrastinating and get back to writing but I’ll leave you with one of my favourite quotes from the wonderful Douglas Adams…
“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by”