Suicide, damn dpression, and statistics
So as the title of the post would suggest, my mood has not picked up as yet and I am sitting in a pit of despair, otherwise known as by bedroom. I have barely left it in weeks and have been spending my days doing my newly acquired hobby: marathon sleeping. I seem to find it difficult to wake up and have been sleeping into the late afternoon and sometimes into the evening, only surfacing to go outside for a cigarette or if my boyfriend provides me with something to eat, he’s nice like that. I feel totally pathetic to tell the truth, I feel like I’m just being lazy but I genuinely cannot seem to wake up, I’m not sure what’s going on but I think that it might be to do with the sodium valproate. When I spoke to the psychiatrist, he said that it may be reacting with the quietiapine I am already taking and making me sleepy so he reduced the quietapine dose but this has had no effect. Honestly, I am on the verge of stopping taking it, it has got that bad. Read the rest of this entry
On suicide and crisis resolution
I haven’t updated the blog for quite a while. This is because I am not very well and have been feeling a complete lack of any kind of creativity and have really wanted to hide from the world.
I don’t have time to be unwell; I have a PhD thesis to write. 100,000 words isn’t going to write itself you know. The strange thing is that even in the depths of a depressive episode as I am right now; I still want to complete my PhD. I promised myself I would finish it, that I would get through it and to be honest, despite all the good things I have in my life, it is my PhD that keeps me alive now. I think that this is because I am so incredibly stubborn and if I drop out now, whether by leaving the research or by leaving this world, I will see myself as an utter failure. It might sound strange to you all but when I promise myself I’m going to do something, I am damn well going to do it. Read the rest of this entry














